Alt title: It Ain't All an Afternoon on the River
So, I'm beginning to see how the myth of the blissful existence of the stay-at-home mom gets out there. We holla on Facebook, asking for people to join us for park dates and strolls through the botanical gardens. We share sunny photos of kids running through fountains and baskets of veggies from our gardens. I can understand how certain factions have no sympathy for the "stresses" of stay-at-home parents. Who cries for the people who, pobrecitos, have to endure an endless stream of picnics on the river with friends, and trips to the library to pick up new reading material? All while making time for the ice cream truck?
I've read (and written) one too many blog entries filled with domestic bliss that failed to detail how utterly exhausted the mama was after spending hours on high alert for drowning children or babies throwing themselves off bridges, or how muddled and frustrated she felt after starting about twenty different adult conversations that got interrupted after two sentences by whining, tantruming, poopy diapers, or brushes with death. There are too few entries about making the piss-poor decision to show your kid the "Thriller" video while trying (futilely) to explain who Michael Jackson was. Or about the terror of realizing that while you were in the bathroom, the house got eerily quiet, and racing outside to discover all three children standing on the opposite side of the street that cars use as a cut-through between two main roads, and how the six-year-old tells you he was "supervising" the toddler, in this real, duh, mom, what's wrong with you, I've got this covered, kind of voice. And realizing that there's very little between them and certain death, except for you. And you kindof suck sometimes.
To remedy this dearth of chronicled suckitude, I offer a snapshot of the end of my day yesterday:
So, while post-nap X snoozed on me, R clogged toilet, flooded bathroom, sat unwiped at little table, spilled art supplies, and cut his own hair.
Sent: Thur, Jul 9 4:56pm
Besides that, how was your day?
Received: Thu, Jul 9 4:58pm
Where is the fucking middle finger emoticon?
Sent: Thu, Jul 9 5:00pm
This was after discovering that the same child had dissected an apple with a pair of craft scissors and then raided the pantry, after which he took two containers of sugar to the back porch, strewing it about and dipping his licked fingers back into the container goodness-only-knows how many times. And before I discovered that the flooded bathroom had leaked down through cracks in the tile and dripped all over the laundry in the basement below. Really, it's somewhat amazing that the house is still standing. I don't understand why my husband doesn't praise me just for that at the end of every day. Are the children alive? Is the house intact? You rock!
Unfortunately, I didn't get any photos, so people will be left with the impression that my day was one blissful craft project after another. Next time we have a total disaster I'll be sure to document it, ok?