I am in uncharted territory.
My siblings and I each nursed for 10-12 months before reportedly weaning ourselves. As a young woman from a family in which breastfeeding is completely the norm, I fully expected to nurse my own children and I also expected that they would probably choose to stop nursing before a year of age. Much to my surprise, breastfeeding isn't just about nutrition for the body, and babies don't stop needing it just because the months have cycled once through. Griffin reached his first birthday and it was clear to me that neither of us was anywhere near ready for nursing to end. It was a necessary part of life. Months went by and as each passed, I was struck anew at how strange it would seem to stop. My baby needed this; even while he was starting to nourish his body more with table foods, his toddler appetites were imbalanced and "mommy milk" filled in the gaps. What's more, his emotional nourishment was still being met in a big way by nursing - and not just by the closeness of it. There was something more to it than a hug or cuddle. Nursing provides something more than those, I was beginning to learn.
Griff weaned just shy of his second birthday. I was pregnant with Reese and nursing had become uncomfortable. I needed a break. Griff was able to go without by that time, and after a couple of days we never looked back. He was ready.
With Reese, it never even occurred to me to stop sooner than two years. And as with his older brother, I was pregnant when he turned two, and nursing became uncomfortable, and I took a break. He was about two weeks past his second birthday. Unfortunately, he was not as ready to wean as Griff had been at the same age. I still think it was too early for him and wonder what life would be like if we could have progressed more on his time table than on my own. He very much needed that particular kind of connection with his mother. Another important lesson learned.
Now, with Xander, I'm in unfamiliar territory, as I mentioned before. There will be no more babies, and so there need not be any "break" due to pregnancy. There is no particular end in sight. His temperament had led me to expect that he would be more like Griffin, and easily transition away from nursing around age 2. Well, we're five months past two and it's still very much a source of comfort to him, and not one he's ready to give up.
I've heard people scoff at the comfort aspects of nursing. You don't hear a lot of discussion about nursing toddlers, and you see even fewer photos. I'm fortunate to know many families who follow their children's lead for weaning, but I know far more detractors of nursing beyond 6 months or a year. Just give them hugs, they say, the child needs to learn other ways of receiving comfort. I also used to believe this. Xander is showing me that it's not entirely correct. Children can be capable of giving and receiving affection in many different ways, but there's something different they get from nursing. When Xander gets a bump or fights with a brother, verbal reassurance or hugs or a kiss is what he wants and needs. But there is a certain kind of emotionally run-down mood when a quick nurse - and only a quick nurse - completely recharges him. It's amazing to me. When he needs that form of reassurance, five minutes with "your one two breasts" turns him around in a way that no mere cuddles can. I don't quite understand how it works, but it's an entirely different form of comfort that meets a very specific kind of need. As he gets older, that need will recede, I know, because it is getting met now.