spark

i'm mommy and i know it

Somewhere along the way, my five-year-old heard the song "I'm Sexy and I Know It," and it made an instant impression on him. I don't think I even gave the song much thought until I heard him singing the title line, stuck on repeat. The kid has a knack for hearing songs and playing them back to us later. He is almost always singing. 

My first reaction was to think that, ugh, do I really need my five-year-old to know the word "sexy"?  And then I wondered, what does he think it means? And could I really stop him from knowing that word, anyway? And then I decided not to worry about it. I'll save my worry for explicitly sexual and/or misogynist lyrics. This one goes in the "mostly harmless" category.

This morning, I was helping Griffin figure out the screen time schedule (a new breakthrough about which I will write soon), and Xander walks in singing. When I tuned in to him, I realized he was singing, "You're sexy and you're mommy." This made me laugh, and then I wondered again, what does that mean to him?

Me: "I'm sexy and I'm mommy?"

Xander: "Yup."

Me: "What does sexy mean?"

Xander: "It means very, very pretty."

Me: "So I'm very, very pretty?"

Xander: "No."

Me: "What am I, then?"

Xander: "A little bit pretty."

Me: "Oh, so sexy means really pretty, but I'm just a little bit pretty."

Xander: "Yup."

Gotta love that candor.

Now, I might get my nose out of joint about this, or lecture him about insulting people by telling them that they're not terribly pretty, just a little bit pretty, but the thing is, he's five, and he's just honest. To him, I'm not sexy. I'm mommy. I'm pretty enough for him to admire, not pretty enough for him to fall head over heels in love. Which is fine, because I'm mommy. 

This is a normal kid thing. He's learning what pretty is, how our society defines it, how he defines it. He's learning (slowly) about tact and social appropriateness. I'm fairly certain that ten years from now, he will not be telling some girl or boy that they're pretty, but not that pretty. Or maybe he will, and he'll get a talking-to from him/her and their friends, and he'll learn something.  

It's too easy to take offense to the blunt things our kids say to us. But I know what this song is really saying - that sexiness isn't about being tanned and toned or a fantastic dancer with perfect hair. It's about confidence. It's about being yourself and trusting that that is all you need to be. I'm sexy, and I know it. And I also know that with time, my kiddo will explore what pretty and sexy mean, and with his feminist, question-everything mom, I think he'll come up with a similar conclusion. I'm content to be his "little bit pretty" mom.

How do you feel when your kids comment on your appearance? How confident are you in yourself and in them?

the opposite of wishing

What would the opposite of a dandelion be? What would happen when you blow it - or would you inhale it, instead? Is there an opposite of wishing? Is it the elation of having (or being), or the in-between state of contentedness? Is it merely allowing life to unfold? 

the garden of your mind

Symphony of Science's John Boswell, the wonderful mind that brought us Carl Sagan autotuned into "Glorious Dawn" and (my favorite, with Feynman, deGrasse Tyson & Bill Nye) "We are All Connected", has created a brand-new and beautiful piece that was shared by PBS Digital Studios today: "Garden of Your Mind."  

Do you ever imagine things? Are they scary things?
Do you ever imagine things?
Things you'd like to have? 
Did you ever see a cat's eyes in the dark and wonder what they were?
Did you ever pretend about things like that?

Did you ever grow anything in the garden of your mind?
You can grow ideas in the garden of your mind.
It's good to be curious about many things.
You can think about things and make believe.
All you have to do is think -
And they'll grow.

Imagine every person that you see is somewhat different
from every other person in the world.
Some can do some things,
Some can do others.
Did you ever think of the many things that you've learned to do?

Did you ever grow anything in the garden of your mind?
You can grow ideas in the garden of your mind.
It's good to be curious about many things
You can think about things and make believe.
All you have to do is think -
And they'll grow.

Didja feel like going like that?
Let's give the fish some food.
Mr. McFeely!
I didn't order any whistles.
(that's what they call a bassline)
Didja feel like going like that?

There are so many things to learn about in this world,
And so many people who can help us learn.

Did you ever grow anything in the garden of your mind?
You can grow ideas in the garden of your mind.
It's good to be curious about many things.
You can think about things and make believe.
All you have to do is think.
You can think about things and make believe.
All you have to do is think -
And they'll grow.

Mr. Rogers just never stops being awesome. Thanks, Fred. Let's give the fish some food.

the awe of atheism

When people get going about how atheism is so cold and heartless, without beauty or mystery or wonder, I always wonder how they can know me (I'm all about beauty and mystery and wonder!) and think this is true. I find far more joy in learning WHY the world works the way it does than explaining it away with "God made it that way." And the absence of belief in heaven has actually made my life richer and more meaningful.

 

Photo source: help me track the original down so I can give the photographer credit! Photoshopped quote and earth by Reddit user JesusClausIsReal. Quote from speech delivered to Harvard Humanist Society, April 2010, by Adam Savage - full text here.

noticing: a winter walk

Thinking about the magic circle and the safety circle, I realized that over the course of this winter, I've been emerging from hibernation and getting ready to leave my comfort zone and find some new magic.  While reflecting on this, I realized that it had been a long time since I took a photo walk around my neighborhood. These walks can be as short as just to my backyard or as long as many blocks away from home. On a sunny afternoon, I fitted my 100mm macro to my camera, popped in a fresh battery, and set out. My goal: to notice something new. It could be small or big. It could be something that has just appeared or something that has always been here. 

My first discovery was that my one lonely hellebore isblooming. I adore this plant - the rose-and-cream sepals, the fibonaccian whorl of the tubular petals, the fuzzy anthers. I took a moment to gather all of the wayward garden gnomes into one spot where they could wait for spring planting. I breathed in the hybrid tea aroma of the blossoming mahonias and admired the bees on them, wondering if there would have been more bees in less climate-changey times. My four-year-old joined me and we took to the alleyway, finding seedpods and fertile mosses. I noticed cracks on the faces of cupids on a neighbor's planter. I made mental note of milkweed that needs to be removed from our fig tree and admired its curling dried vines.

None of this was earth-shaking, but it was refreshing. Sunlight, cool air (but not too cool - this is, after all, Virginia, and our winters are mild), nature, companionship, and the comfort of dials and the shutter. 

Perhaps what I noticed most of all was a sense of peace and wholeness. It's good to come out of hibernation.

grace in small things: joy

Six things that are bringing me joy in small ways and in big ways
on this beautiful Monday morning:

 

cozy, stripey socks

 

a cart piled full of fresh fruits and veggies

 

a new book group and new acquaintances (literary and human)

 

winter blooms and morning light

 

having squeezed every last drop of goodness out of a holiday

 

 

and most importantly, the joy of new life, the strength of a woman,
and the beauty of them both

love your tree / different is normal / fuck it!

During the last couple of years I've done a lot of thinking (or more than usual - it's not like I just started) about women's bodies, body image, health, and societal norms. This has led to some interesting conversations and revelations in both online and offline life with friends, Twitter acquaintances, local artists, and others. There are some incredible things happening in Richmond right now that I'm looking forward to sharing in the future. 

Right now, I'm working on Susan Singer's body image survey. She's looking for more women to participate, so go! 

In the past few days, these videos have caught my attention. Great messages! 

"Do you think that this tree isn't pretty because it doesn't look like that tree?"

This video from Planned Parenthood is aimed at teens, but I think many adults need to hear that "different is normal," too. I wish more teenagers had access to the kind of education that PP can provide. Less abstinence-only sex ed, more copies of Taking Charge of Your Fertility. 

In case you weren't already aware, Planned Parenthood is under attack by many of our elected officials. If you're one of the people who thinks PP is some kind of immoral abortion factory that must be shut down, please educate yourself regarding what important services they actually provide. If you already know about and value PP, go here to offer your assistance in the effort to make sure reproductive health services remain available to those who need them. 

On a lighter note, I've also had this one stuck in my head on auto-repeat.

Love the inclusion of stray hairs and stubble in the close-up shots. Here I thought I was the only one who looks worse shaven than not, thanks to sensitive skin. I've been crushng on Amanda Palmer lately, she who proclaims, "I don't believe in the beauty standard." 

I think this post marks the first time I've used profanity in a title. Yay, milestone moments. It's a tip o' the hat not only to Amanda Fucking Palmer, but also to the irresponsible media outlets who misreported the findings of a University of Arizona study showing that cussing helps to ease pain, but at a social cost. Multiple media sources who picked up the story reported that cussing women suffer socially more than men do. Hold on just a cotton pickin' minute, y'all. The study ONLY looked at women, so neither the researchers nor you can say anything about the effects on women vs. men. Not that it would surprise me at all that women would be more penalized for their language than men are. But until we see a study that clearly supports that claim, I'll thank the media not to create the very misogynist environment that they are supposedly reporting. 

sunday brunch

A collection of interesting, fun, and/or thought-provoking things I encountered this week.

First, a shameless plug: I'm one month into a new 365 project.  What I learned from my last one was that I needed a more spontaneous, lighthearted assignment this year.  So I give you Play by Play, a 365 project inspired by my love of silly toy photography.  It kicked off with a week of Swiper the fox in the Dominican Republic (I love Swiper and he's easy to tuck into a camera bag while traveling), and I've stuck with my canine friend ever since.  That's him in the photo at the top of this post, having a sail on a rainy day.

Which reminds me of a John Stuart Mill quote shared by Terry Border today: "That so few now dare to be eccentric marks the chief danger of our time."  So when I'm baffling neighbors by lying in the street taking pictures of toys floating in puddles in origami boats, I'm doing a public service.  

Public-service-wise, if you feel like being slightly less eccentric but still spreading some love, check out Kind Over Matter's printable free compliments and free positive thoughts sheets.  Fun! Maybe leave one on the community board in your coffeehouse or school?

Via Kind Over Matter's Friday Lovelies, I found this wonderful "warning" about self-portraiture.  It reminded me of my friend Heather, who is doing a self-portrait 365 project this year.  Also on the 365 front, there's a new Facebook group for 365 artists.  

I was reminded of Kind over Matter by her appearance on RecycleArt.  I wouldn't necessarily define all of the projects there as "recycled" - for example, using new pencils as sculptural materials - and some of it isn't exactly art - like these compost bins - but there's something for everybody.  I was called to check out the Simple Science demonstrations from Linda Dong.  Knowledge can (and should?) be elegant!

Just like I do every January in Virginia, I'm wishing the weather would commit to either icy/snowy or sunny/springy.  We go from scraping windshields to prepping the garden in the same day.  I've recently spent two afternoons cleaning up our flower beds and veggie garden, organizing the garage, refilling bird feeders, pruning shrubs, and generally getting into a springtime mood.  I'm ordering new Mud Gloves and a sieve for our compost.  I'm also telling myself NO MORE STICKS OR APPLE STICKERS in the bin.  We're lazy composters and never turn the darn thing, and those plus corncobs and unbroken eggshells make it to the bottom relatively intact.  Everything else has turned into beautiful moist humus, which I'm using to mulch the garden.  I'll eventually turn it under.  The warm weather has me thinking about seeds and pea fences and getting rid of some of the shrubs in the yard so that I can plant a dogwood and have a nice bench or two for reading on lovely spring afternoons.  

On colder afternoons, when I'm not taking pictures of ice, I'm enjoying a little Lenka, whose tunes I discovered thanks to Jason and Wendy Ward of Ward Photography.  

Photography leads me to remember to share that HandsOn Greater Richmond has a call out for photographers to document their community efforts.  I've signed on to volunteer and plan to choose one or two events a month.  

Photo lovers and science geeks and fans everywhere of beauty might enjoy this six-month-long exposure made by pinhole photographer Justin Quinnell.  

And finally, a beautiful thing you can create - Silk, a nifty interactive piece of fun that I learned about via my lovely friend Lynz, who always links to great stuff.  

Finally, while my back yard is lovely and ice is pretty, I've been wishing to be back on Sanibel Island lately.  I've had at least five or six recent dreams about shell collecting! Where do you want to be right now?

wordless wednesday: a winter walk

 

gone but not forgotten

I knew this would happen; I build up a head of steam about something big, have too many things to say about it in too little time, stop to think a while, and while thinking, life takes over.  And so here I am, washing a skull in my sink, and not writing about Esfuerzo.  

I promise I'll get back to Esfuerzo soonish.  But right now, I'm knee-deep in learning whitetail deer anatomy, examining dentition, finally understanding nasal conchae.  This skull came from Larus Park, where a friend and I found it hanging on a tree.  

A find like this is too much for me to pass up.  It must be examined, shared.  But as with everything else, it has to pass my ethics review. While I typically adhere to the "take only pictures, leave only footprints" axiom, the fact is that some elements of nature do end up being removed for educational purposes by rangers, geologists, biologists, and the like.  When should something be left behind, and when is it ok to remove it?  In this case, the skull was not in a National or State Park, it is not an essential part of the ecology, and it is not rare/endangered.  My intents were educational, for both personal and school use (I have already discussed it with both the school director and the art teacher).  I decided that the benefits outweighed the costs, and I headed back to pick it up. 

Our initial assumption was that the skull, which is missing the mandible, belonged to a deer.  Examination and comparison to images of other whitetail deer skulls confirmed this.  

A taxidermy review suggested that a peroxide soak would be best for cleaning/bleaching the bones.  This removed loose debris and also made me feel like the bones were less likely to harbor contagion, although honestly, this skull is old enough that it probably hosts nothing more than the average rock or stick would.  Dan pointed out the issue of prion disease, but without actually consuming venison, I'm not convinced there's much risk.   I'm maintaining handwashing protocols, though.  

The peroxide didn't do much to improve the appearance of the bones.  The teeth were especially bad. I set to work with dish soap, Barkeeper's Friend (oxalic acid), a toothbrush, a safety pin, and a sewing needle.  The teeth look better, if still somewhat less than gorgeous, and I have a newfound appreciation for the work of dental hygienists.  I'm also reminded that I need to schedule cleanings for my family.

I also have a new appreciation of nasal anatomy.  This is a view from the anterior aspect of the nose, looking up through the nasal cavity.  The skull is lit from beneath/within by a desk lamp.  At midline is the septum.  The turbinates curling on either side are the conchae.  I've never been able to picture this when looking at sagittal sections of human conchae.  

The skull has also already afforded another unexpected treat: this little hitchhiker:

He was pretty cold and slow when I discovered him yesterday, and died overnight.  I've tentatively identified him as a juniper stinkbug, Banasa euchlora.  It's worth noting that the tree in the first picture of this post is a Virginia cedar, Juniperus virginiana. 

You can also get another glimpse of the stinkbug here, at my new 365 project.